Hi Jodi, I have been following your blog….it has been inspirational and I have shared it with so many friends. Thank you for what you do. My daughter is a 20year old, strong beautiful independent girl, going through a separation with her boyfriend. Its not a bad thing, they both go to different colleges, still care very much for each other but he feels its best not to be together during the summer too much. She is confused and hurt – he still tells her he loves her every night through text before bed. She gives him time and is not clingy but I think she should move on and realize you can love someone but not be able to be together. I would love to get her following your blog, I think there is so much for her to learn from you. Do you have a few posts in particular I can recommend she reads to get her interested. There are so many great ones but I want to send her the best that pertains to her. Again thank you so much for helping me….I do appreciate your advice. Beth F.
Dear Beth’s Daughter,
If at 20 I knew what I know now, I never would have wasted so much of my life in or on “relationships”. What I know now is I never had to “hang” on to any one person, that another better suited would come along… and that I didn’t have to waste time trying to make something work. I’ve learned love is in abundance and endless, and it will come, in ways, better than I ever can imagine, when I let go. But, it was ingrained deeply in my being that I was supposed to find a man to complete me, marry, and ultimately, make me happy. Obviously that never worked. Don’t get me wrong, I love sharing myself with someone, being intimate, and in love, but much of my identity in my younger years (or so I believed) was based on being with a man, and I spent my life managing everything else, and myself around whatever relationship I was in at the time. Time is our most valuable resource and I wasted a lot of it… it “had” to be this person, he was the one, I would never feel that love again… What a waste, but I really didn’t know any better. I was too hurt and felt empty inside that I needed someone to fulfill me, or make me feel loved. I was always independent and never coined the typical female. I traveled around the world alone, played college basketball, got my Masters Degree, rode motorcycles, and was financially independent at 20, but still, always felt like “one” would complete me. I had many wonderful relationships along the way, but in retrospect, most held me back and actually distracted me from real happiness and my true potential; living my dreams and fulfilling my desires. I sacrificed so much to make the relationship work. It was not their fault, we all follow the confines of society and plug into the roles we think we should play. They were also playing a role thinking I would complete them and our relationship was our life. What I know now is my life is the most important thing, my responsibility; my desires, my feelings, my identity, my power, independent of anyone else. My relationships today are sharing “me” instead of defining myself through another. I have learned each person is an experience and has something to offer, and one day at a time turns into forever… but don’t miss today because the person you “think” or “feel” will complete you isn’t willing to be with you in today. Let them go, move on, and someone will want to be there with you… because you are amazing… but you have to believe that first. We must do everything to fulfill our own desires and purpose first, before someone can share it with us… Please know your time here is for you, and what you want to create. It has nothing to do with someone else. Much love! xo © Jodi Healy – if you like please share, someone else may too!